I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize