We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
