after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
