ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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