just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
