You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
