I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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