Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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