I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
cat food counts as protein by the way
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
