There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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