Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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