I can tuck mytits in my pants
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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