I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
