Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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