he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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