What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
