my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
