this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
