i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
