So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
