he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
