girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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