He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
