I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
