Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
