I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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