I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
