Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
