literally had 100 drinks last night.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
