Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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