Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
