we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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