broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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