i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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