this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
