Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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