he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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