this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just found puke in my bra..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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