Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
