i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
