He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
