You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
