I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
