she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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