Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
