Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
