I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
