I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
