if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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