Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
