dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
