he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
