Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
