This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
