How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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