Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
