Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
