today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
His hands were made for my vagina.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
