I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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