I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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