i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You can't special order awesome
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
