Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
