he puts the penis in happiness.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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