I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Randomize
