becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
