I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize