Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
