Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
