You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
His nipple licking is glorious
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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