you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
