life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
