Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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