next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize