He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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