so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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