I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
