Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
