Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
