1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
