Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
