I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
