the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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