Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
