wat bout pragnant strippers??
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Randomize
