You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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