I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
