oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
