Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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