I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
