My hand turned me down
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
