after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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