Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
