Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
