i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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