I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
