Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I could fuck to npr.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
