Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
