Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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