So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
