I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
