it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize