Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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