I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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