you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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