Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
