I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
