brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
