the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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