why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
