she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
