Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
