did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize