He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
