If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
