She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
