life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
