were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
