He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
